'What a lovely little place this is!' My sarcastic thoughts ran around inside my head. Other things popping up as well, dancing around like simple game of 'ring around the rosie.' I kept my steady pace. I was careful. I had been for years. I took no chances, and here, I was taking one. I had.. Problems as a child.. And well, I truly, truly, didnt want to repeat them. They were in the past, not my future. Of course, many people had said I grew into a beautiful young lady, but they didnt know my insides. They didnt see the skin that was scared and battered. The ribs that would protrude at times. I wasn't the tooth fairy, I wasn't perfect.

Nobody's perfect. Now thats definately more of the truth than Id heard in awhile. People told me lies. Guys, whom I tried to stay away from, told me things to win me over? Ha, it never would work. Never ever. I hated guys. Honest I did. Some I found cute, but love? Never crossed my mind. I'm not the kind of girl to get into that stuff. In the end you'd get hurt, thats how every love story ends. There's no perfect endings, there's no happy endings. So this was no different. Not even the birds who sung in the background, sung perfectly.

Everyone described surroundings perfect. Why can't I find those surroundings? I can't find anything to relax in, truly. I can't find anything to keep me feeling safe. Nothing was safe to me. This mere walk in the meadow was definately not my cup of tea. I avoided these, yet somehow wandered my way, safely, into this part of town. It was beautiful, I'll admit. But not perfect. The birds calling, were lovely, but out of tune. The colors of the grass and trees? A sweet scene to look at, but not perfect.

Moral of the story? Uh, hello? Nobody and nothing is perfect. Where this comes into play, you may be thinking? Well, its my life. Im not perfect, as I have stated above. My attire, a black and white tye-dye tank-top, black and white plaid skinny jeans, high top converse, wristbands, eyeliner and black fingernails, chains as well, made up my outer being. Although I liked to draw on my face. Today? It was how I was feeling. A sweet looking sunny day, and I was down in the dumps. Yes, a tear drop, or a rain drop, was painted on my face. Sketched on really. I took dire time into my appearance, yet, didnt eat to keep my figure. I was near anorexic, enough to make me feel sick, but did I care? No. I wanted to feel pain. I always felt pain, but I needed it exturnally. I had pain inside, depression was possible. But honestly, the sides of my hips, a tad higher up, where my ribs were, sat rows and rows of cuts and scars. Why I do this to myself? Its the only way I can truly cope.

One scar for every guy who looks at me. One scar for every guy who reminds me of.. Of him.. And so far, it was to twenty.

I was extremely quiet. I only spoke when asked to. I had no friends. Not like i didnt want them.. Because I did, but because I couldn't be relied on. That I was afraid to do many things. It was like I wasn't one to life high off life. I was one to be scared of what would happen in it. Ill just admit, I was the weird one. Though, when you think about it.. The weird people are just ones that are different. And well... I was quite different.

My gaze was shifted upwards as I saw something move. And the thing that moved? It was this boy I'd seen around school a few times. He waved and I offered him a small smile and a wave. It seemed like forever since I'd waved, or even smiled. Hell, I cant even remember how long it was since I spoke. I just gently bit my lip and waited for him to come up to me. Why he was talking to me? I didnt know. I knew that he was like those guys that I used to fall for. But falling for someone? That wasnt in my future, as much as I knew. My brown eyes reflected a hint of sorrow, as I listened to him introduce himself.

"Ace Ravena." I said softly. My voice sounding like it hadn't been used in forever. It was somewhat scratchy but still my voice, none-the-less. "And don't worry about it. I havent talked to anyone in years.. So.." I said softly adverting my gaze down. He didnt remind me much of that guy. Which was good. However, I was interacting with him, and how many would this account for? I returned my gaze up to his face. "So whats up?" I asked quietly. Trying to make conversation. Trying to tell myself its alright.

I listened to him, and the small smile that was once on my lips, seemed to stay. It surprised me a bit. I hadnt smiled in awhile, and let alone, having a guy be the cause of it? It was quite interesting. I just nodded my head gently, my blonde hair dancing along my shoulders like platinum waterfalls. You know, I'd never had the idea that I was beautiful. People told me I was, sure. But did i believe them? Of course not.

His words didnt shock me much. People here, they hated kids like us. I just nodded again gently. "Ah, thats nothing new. Trust me, theyre just jealous of how young you are." I offered him another small smile. Now my voice was getting a bit warmed up, and it sounded a bit like a honey coated bell. Sweet yet clear to hear. Now that did suprise me. For Id never really known what to think of my voice. Id never heard it since I was eleven. And things had changed, a lot, since then.

I heard his next words and raised an eyebrow slightly. It was kind of random. "Oh really? Well.. I hate guys.. But you can be an acception." I said softly, hoping I wouldnt regret it in the end. I was getting myself into something I had a feeling I wouldn't want to be. Yet the feeling of actually having someone.. A friend? It was a tad overwhelming. My mind raced slightly. Why did he just decide to become bi? I began to think that it was about me. But I denied it. I wasnt that pretty. I couldnt get myself to think I was. It was nearly impossible.

My mind fluttered around the scars and such. How could those be beautiful? How could the sickening state I was, be beautiful? It resulted in believing i wasnt beautiful. Even if I tried, thered be the perminent bruises and scars the mutilated the sides of me. Although, on my lower back I did have a piercing. I had about five silver rings per the side, and a lace that tighted them together. A corset piercing, it was. Id had it since I was fourteen. That and the tongue ring I had. Though that was hardly visible. Only when I talked. Which this boy here, probably already saw.

I listened. It was slightly awkward, however I found within the deepest parts of me, that I enjoyed it. And after I realized what I said, I wished I could have taken it back. I wasnt good with words. I spoke before I thought. It was a problem. The only word Id really ever known to say before, and knew its meaning from the top of my head, was the word no. But here with him, I didnt need to say that. Hell, the word didnt even cross my mind unless I was going to protest something, to switch it with something else. Like I was about to do.

"No.. Its alright. I.. I havent talked in a very, very long time. And my mind isnt quite up to par about thinking before speaking. I didnt mean it like that." I murmured, running a hand through the blonde of my hair, making my brown eyes and the rain drop on my cheek more visible. "Its alright. My parents never cared. Id been alone for..." I counted silently, my gaze turning toward the sky for a few seconds, then back toward the ground. "About eight years.." I said softly. "But anyway, I like talking to you. Really I do. You dont judge me like most. Its actually really, really nice." My voice was soft, and held so much meaning in it.

I truly needed a friend. And through a couple missunderstandings, I just didnt want to lose that opportunity. I bit my lip gently and looked from the ground up to his face. He was sweet, and kind. Normally the guys who looked like him were harsh, evil. Hated girls like me with a passion. And I didnt even do anything! Sure my appearance was that of a happy popular girl. but take away the layers of clothing? You'd see one of those frail girls, cuts lining almost every part of her body, and the cold chilling feeling of seeing something like that. Well... that was me. In the flesh. Well.. what I had left. Like I had said before, I was nearly anorexic. And come to think of it, probably a bit anemic. I didnt want to admit I had a problem. I didnt want to try and get treatment for it. I just took up space on this earth, and I would get off of it for someone else to shine. Since I was the dimmest star. No one noticed me, except for Damien. Which made me somewhat happy, but didnt change my thoughts any. I still wanted to die. I didnt want anyone to get attached to me. I didnt want others to be in pain. And no one noticed me, so who would be in pain if I was gone?

I watched him as he spoke. There was something about him, that caught my attention.. Maybe the fact that he saw me around school and didnt mind saying hi. It made me feel loved... For the first time in forever. You see, love wasn't my friend. remember, I had no friends. I had no lover. See, that was part of my problem. I was the unlovable. I ofted thought of myself like that. No one could love me, no one except for the razor that would spend time helping me carve in my tiny reminders.

His words kind of shocked me. How in the world did he know what I was going through? I didnt say anything did I? Or maybe.. Maybe he was a good guesser. Somewhat stunned, I nodded to his idea about sitting with him. I took the seat, my frail weak body sitting on the bench. It was a relief on my legs. But I didnt show any kind of comfort from it. It kind of bugged me; that weird tingling feeling I got from sitting. I was now kind of dizzy. It was strange.. But I didnt let that show either. Instead I just leaned back and looked over at Damien.

"Thanks.. It means a lot coming from you.." I murmured, giving him a smile. But the truth was, the world was already sad. What would make a difference if I was here or not? It confused me. But I said nothing. I wasnt one to go into detail about my life, what I go through daily, just because of something. I began to bite my lip gently. What were we to do now? I was still a bit dizzy. Which effected my thoughts. So if something came out wrong, it was to blame that. And soon I was to realize that Id be back on the subject about if I was gone. Protesting it, even the slightest. "I just dont get how... How the world could be sadder than it already is.. If i was gone..." I nearly whispered looking out toward the ground, deep in thought.

I was still listening to what he had to say. My mind began to dance around the idea that it was his world that would be sad if I was gone. But yet again, Id bring myself up, just to tear myself down. Funny how that happened, really.